A few years ago, I stumbled across this cookbook titled, “The New Hotdog Cookbook” by Mettja C. Roate from 1968 (my edition’s from 1970, but that doesn’t change much about the flavors I experienced today). I bought the book for a couple bucks because I figured there was no way anyone could make 250 “new and exciting” hotdog recipes, and boy, was I wrong. It only took several years for me to realize that fact—and damn do I wish I just let this thing sit on the shelf for a few more years . . . or centuries.
Without wasting any time, let’s dig right into this nightmare I put on myself.
First recipe up is “Surprise Sandwiches.” I picked this one because anything with the word ‘surprise’ in it is usually amazing, right? Well, not just that, I also chose it because it seemed somewhat edible for today’s lunch compared to a lot of the other recipes in this book.
Recipe:
· 4 hardboiled eggs, peeled and coarsely chopped
· 1 cup American cheese, diced in ¼ in cubes
· ½ cup mayo
· 2 tbs green pepper, finely chopped
· 2 tbs onion, finely chopped
· 2 tbs parsley, finely chopped
· 2 tbs pickle relish
· 8 hot dogs
· 8 hamburger buns
*I halved the recipe because I didn’t want to waste all those hardboiled eggs on something that could be dreadful, when they could go toward some delicious deviled eggs instead.
Steps:
1. Mix the chopped eggs, cheese, mayo, green pepper, onion, parsley, relish, and hot dogs together well.
Looks tasty, right?
2. Place a heaping spoonful of the mixture in the center of each hamburger bun.
3. Wrap tightly in aluminum foil and place on a “cooky” sheet. Yes, cooky.
4. Bake at 350F for 30 minutes.
Result:
The bun was nice and crispy. That’s it. That’s the only nice thing I have to say.
The green pepper was the most noticeable ingredient. I think if it and the onion were sauteed beforehand, both would have allowed other flavors to shine. You know, like the hot dog? Which was a complete afterthought . . . as was every other ingredient. And the texture was funky. It was like an egg salad sandwich, but not near as tasty—just mush tucked underneath a nice bun. Oh, and it fell apart like a sloppy joe.
Overall, I’m not really sure what the surprise was; probably the fact that it was somewhat edible.
Next recipe up is the one I’m sure everyone’s dying to know about. Well, the wait’s over. I made the dreaded “Hot Dog Aspic.” Just typing it made me gag.
Recipe:
· 1 tbs unflavored gelatin
· ¼ cup cold water
· 1 ½ cups hot beef bouillon or stock
· 10 hot dogs
· ½ cup celery, diced in ¼ in cubes
· ¼ cup parsley, finely chopped
· 5 hardboiled eggs, chilled and peeled
Steps:
1. Soften the gelatin in the ¼ cup cold water. Dissolve the softened gelatin in the hot beef stock. Stir well until all of the gelatin granules are dissolved.
2. Cut the hot dogs in half and stand them on end, cut side down, in a 10-inch circular tube mold. Sprinkle the diced celery and the parsley over the bottom of the mold.
3. Cut the hardboiled eggs lengthwise and place them around the center tube of the mold. Pour the gelatin mixture carefully into the mold.
4. Place in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours. Unmold on a bed of shredded lettuce. Serve in generous slices.
Hungry yet?
*I didn’t use all the hot dogs or hardboiled eggs because my mold probably wasn’t the exact size they wanted. I also did NOT serve in generous slices because I don’t hate myself.
Result:
Puke.
The texture of this was unbearable. Eating cold raw hot dogs inside a Jell-O mold is on par with stubbing your toe, except I would have rather done that. This one made me gag instantly when I took a bite. Hell, my wife didn’t even care to try it because she used her brain, which I clearly did not do here. I cannot in good conscience recommend anyone ever try this unless you’re planning to bring it to a party you didn’t want to attend in the first place.
Also, I left the mold in the lukewarm water a little too long, so that’s why it didn’t turn out so pretty. Softened just a bit much, but honestly, that’s okay because it was so horrible.
So yeah, I think I’m going to throw this book in the fire.
Roate, M.C. (1968) The New Hotdog Cookbook. 2nd edn. New York, NY: McFadden-Bartell.